too tired, too sad, too painful. I really cant take it anymore. No matter what i do it just dont seems to get better. I'm just so sick of being sad every single day, so sick of crying, so sick of wishing and hoping that it may come true. They say i should stand strong and be firm about it. But i cant, i may seem strong on the outside but inside im bleeding every.single.day. Every actions, every word affect me so much, it just cuts through my heart. I like you so much, i can barely feel myself anymore. 

x

真的很痛, 心真的很痛.
这样的感觉真的很痛.
如果没有遇见你, 如果没有认式你, 如果没有喜欢上你, 我会比较快乐吗?
真的好喜欢你, 好喜欢..好喜欢...

我想对你好 你从来不知道 想你想你 也能成为嗜好
我想对你说 却害怕都说错 好喜欢你 知不知道

Too difficult, too difficult to notice my actions, too difficult to be a good friend. Dont know that my little actions can actually hurt someone, and i didnt even realised that what i did was not right until they told me, or rather i dont even know i did that after they told me. Never felt so guilty in my entire life, never felt that im on the verge of losing my friends, never cried so hard for so long until today. Can hardly breathe, feel that part of my life was gone at the moment. Dont wanna be such a friend, dont wanna neglect anybody, dont wanna do anything that will hurt anybody. But i guess i alrdy did it. Im really sorry for everything that i did that made you feel this way. Im not a very sensitive person hence i dont know what i did that actually made you feel that way. Im sorry, im really very sorry. 

hi. I guess no one ever come here anymore. heh. i've stop blogging here ever since, idk when. well, i have a strong urge to come back to lj, but due to certain reasons, i still decided to stay at blogger. Today is christmas:D was supposed to celebrate it at fiona's but, jasmine and zhilin cant make it, and it will be super awkward for me to go there alone. So, i text fiona and told her i will not be going. And guess what? i'm spending christmas staring at the computer screen, blogging. Totally no life. i should be celebrating somewhere in town or having nice dinner somewhere with my friends, but they have their own activities. Nevermind, at least i will be counting down for newyear. Oh, after o-levels life was and is awesome, cept for the part that i have to work at some factory which is really really boring ttm. But it's a nice job, no one will supervise you, no one will nag at you blablabla, but it's boring, really really boring. Well, i should not be complaining because some people out there does not even have a job, at least i have one, and will get my $$$$$$$. i love $$, i wont deny it. I mean ya, money cant buy friendship, relationship, family blabla. But, money can buy all your material needs, like literally ALL. I'm not a branded whore, i dont need my stuffs to be all branded and well, branded. I just want something nice and useful, well you still need money to get those right? i wont say that i dont like branded stuffs and i dont own any of it, yes, sometimes i like my stuffs to be a certain brand, but that's not all the time ok. k, enough of the money part. Today, i stayed at home and use the cimputer the whole day. I was intending to go get myself some decent clothes because i have no more clothes. But i'm such a lazy bum, i just couldnt get out from the computer chair. Well, so the point is i stayed at home, and you know you get like phone calls at home right? If you are following my twitter, you will know. I HATE ANSWERING THE EFFING HOUSE PHONE. Like wth, every 5 minutes there will be someone calling and asking for my mom. And i have to repeat the same thing every 5 minutes which is: sorry my mom's not home, call later. Imagine that, every 5 minutes, i have to stand up, walk to the phone table and answer the phone which is even not for me. I said i'm a lazy bum right, so i HATE getting my ass off the chair every 5mintues to answer the bloody phone. And some sucker, when i told them my mom's not at home they cans till call back 5-10 minutes later asking if my mom's back or not. do you think someone will go out for like 5-10 minutes? no. so stop freaking calling my house phone, call her cell, dumbfreakingasses. Well, my friends if you want to call me, do not call my house phone, call my cell, because i will not answer the housephone. or you can text me too. I dont usually use the word hate, i will rather use loath or dislike, because hate is a really strong word, but i really hate it. heh. This is quite a wordy post, but it's okay, i kinda like wordy post. :) Anw, everyone have their 'all time fav movie(s)' right? well, i have mine too, which is, 27dresses. Idk why either, i mean i dont cry while watching that at all, i even cried while watching wildchild. So, anw, back to the point, i think that 27dresses left me an impression deeply because it is talking about something really meaningful. I really really like the part where jane was talking to kevin in the bar and she asked him which part of the wedding he like most, because he's a cynical who hate weddings but there must be something that he like. And he said, " So when the bride comes in and she makes her giant, grand entrance, i like to glance back at the poor bastard getting married. Cause even though i think he's an idiot for willingly entering into the last legal form of slavery, he always looks really, really happy." and jane look at him with her mouth wide open because that her favourite part too. Well, i totally agree with what kevin says, like the whole favourite part, and people always are looking at the bride instead of the groom.  And much later jane said " I think you should just admit that you're a big softy. That this whole cynical thing is just an act so that you can seem wounded and mysterious and sexy." ANd they start to argue for the fact that jane said that kevin was sexy and jane deny it. haha, that was the cutest part i really really love that scene. If you have not watched 27dresses, you should totally go watch it now, i mean it's not a new movie, it's alrdy quite old. You will love it, like how i'm kind of addicted to it now. I watched like 4 times a week and i can sort of know the lines alrdy. I know, i'm weird and have no life. But it's such a sweet and nice and good flim, i just can't stop watching it. Oh ya, i'm watching it right now. heh. nice. ok, i will end this post really abruptly now, and idk when will be the next time i will post here again. Maybe tmr, maybe next week, maybe next year. Bye.

Xoxo,
zhiqi

I had a good day today. i hope tmr gets better. anyway, i just watch a flim, nice. The other end of the line. do you believe that you can fall in love with the person at the end of the line? with only phone calls, and voice, no meetings. and surprisingly, you feel the chemistry between both of you, even though you guys didnt met before at all. well, i guess that’s fate, fate that pull two strangers together, as friends then couples, and marriage. In reality, does it really happens? let me know if it happens to you:)

• im having tuition at 0730, which i dont feel like going.
• im having tutition tmr again.
• i feel so bored nowwww.
• i need to wake up early on monday
• i need to flag the cab without feeling scared
• i must not be late for sch anymore
• i answer the house phone just now.
• im still very happy over the victory of manunited over chelsea
• 3-nil somemore!
• yayyayyayyayyay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111
• i must...must... must do lotsa things!

why are lizards so strong?

YEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSS!
still happy over the victory! hahhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

sch kinda suck cause either im late or when im early there's no seats in the hall.
except for that part, everything's fine.
ttfn!

Then she called out, "Libbsy,where are you, pet? What are you doing?"
i could hear Libby's muffled voice from mum's bedroom and a bit of miaowing.
Libby called, "Nuffling."
Mum rushed in there, saying, "Oh God."
I heard bang bang, and mum yelling, "Libby, that is Mummy's best lipstick!"
"It looks nice!!!!"
"No, it doesn't... Cats don't wear lipstick."
"Yes."
"No, they don't."
"Yes."
"Owww, don't kick Mummy!"
"Bad mummy!!!"
Hahahaha. She who laughs last laughs...er...the last.

i was nearly late for sch again today. i must wake up early! wake up early, i must!
ciaoluv

United 3 Chelsea 0
HAHHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!
YEEEEEEEEESSSSSSS!!!
yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes!! *playing air guitar, laughing at myself*

i had my braces on, and it hurts like hell.
i h88888888888888 probability! what a stupid topic.

i was late for sch ytd, and have to run for idk how many freaking rounds!
so i decided to wake up early today and take the 136 bus, indeed, im not late.
we went to RP today, damn boring.
ciaoluv

i was almost late for sch today, i reach there by 0725.
i was cursing in my heart at the uncle who locked the gate before i could get in
apparently he saw me looking so angry and decided to open the gate again to let me in. hahha!
i see myself late again tmr :(

P/S zhilin! i love your b.d present soooooooooooooooo much! im jealous! hell jealous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
P/P/S judith received her present, of course she's happy! and the manymany layers of magazines prank gift! HAHHA!

that kiss that lasted too long
we probably shouldn't have danced to that song
it was nothing, it was absolutely everything
it's really such a shame it's so hard to explain to you

first day of sch was oh-kay. we sat in single lines rows:)
it's only the first day and, i cant wait to graduate.
but, i know when the time comes i will miss, now.
"I want to be human!" Ponyo declares

happy new year dude and dudette!
sch will reopen tmr, and i have not touch any holiday hmwk.
i'll try to do at least 1, maybe 2. yea.. :)



this is hell gr88888888888, and, im addicted to it. damn!
im so not ready for sch! sch shld really re-open on monday not a fri-dayyyyy!!!! argh!